Shakespeare in Love (1998)
Geoffrey Rush: Philip Henslowe
Philip Henslowe : Mr. Fennyman, allow me to explain about the theatre business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster.
Hugh Fennyman : So what do we do?
Philip Henslowe : Nothing. Strangely enough, it all turns out well.
Hugh Fennyman : How?
Philip Henslowe : I don't know. It's a mystery.
Philip Henslowe : [Repeated line] I don't know. It's a mystery.
[on first hearing the tragic ending to Romeo and Juliet]
Philip Henslowe : Well, that would have them rolling in the aisles.
Philip Henslowe : Let us have pirates, clowns, and a happy ending, or we shall send you back to Stratford to your wife!
Hugh Fennyman : How much is that, Mr Frees?
Frees : Twenty pounds to the penny, Mr. Fennyman.
Hugh Fennyman : Correct.
Philip Henslowe : But I have to pay the actors and the author.
Hugh Fennyman : Share of the profits.
Philip Henslowe : There's never any.
Hugh Fennyman : Of course not.
Philip Henslowe : Oh, oh, Mr. Fennyman. I think you might have hit upon something.
Philip Henslowe : Will! Where is my play? Tell me you have it nearly done! Tell me you have it started.
Philip Henslowe : You have begun?
William Shakespeare : [struggling with his boots] Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move.
Philip Henslowe : No, no, we haven't the time. Talk prose.
Philip Henslowe : You see - comedy. Love, and a bit with a dog. That's what they want.
Philip Henslowe : Where is my play?
William Shakespeare : It is all locked safe in here.
[points to his head]
Philip Henslowe : God be praised. Locked?
William Shakespeare : As soon as I find my muse.
Philip Henslowe : Who is she this time?
William Shakespeare : She is always Aphrodite.
Philip Henslowe : Aphrodite Baggett, who does it behind the Dog and Crumpet?
Philip Henslowe : I'm a dead man and buggered to boot!
Philip Henslowe : [bound, with feet high over burning coals] I have a wonderful new play.
Hugh Fennyman : Put them back in.
[Lambert lowers Henslowe's feet closer to the coals]
Philip Henslowe : It's a comedy!
Hugh Fennyman : Cut off his nose.
Philip Henslowe : It's a new comedy by William Shakespeare!
Hugh Fennyman : And his ears.
Philip Henslowe : And a share! We will be partners, Mr. Fennyman.
Hugh Fennyman : Partners?
[Lambert lifts Henslowe's feet off the coals]
Philip Henslowe : It's a crowd tickler. Mistaken identities. Shipwreck. Pirate King. A bit with a dog and love triumphant!
Lambert : I think I've seen it. I didn't like it.
Philip Henslowe : But, this time it's by Shakespeare!
Hugh Fennyman : What's it called?
Philip Henslowe : Romeo and Ethel the Pirates Daughter.
Hugh Fennyman : Good title.
William Shakespeare : Will you lend me 50 pounds?
Philip Henslowe : 50 pounds? What for?
William Shakespeare : Burbage offers me a partnership in Lord Chamberlain's Men. For 50 pounds my days as a hired player are over.
Philip Henslowe : Oh! Cut out my heart! Throw my liver to the dogs!
William Shakespeare : No, then.
Hugh Fennyman : Master Shakespeare, has asked me to play the part - of the Apoth-ecary.
Philip Henslowe : The Apothecary? Will, what is this story? Where is the shipwreck? How does the comedy end?
William Shakespeare : By God, I wish I knew.
Philip Henslowe : By God, if you do not, who does? Let us have pirates, clowns and a happy ending or we shall send you back to Stratford to your wife.